We are completely in love and so happy that he's finally here. It seems that there's a sacred sense of peace in our home since he's come. As the oldest of five perhaps I should have remembered, that holy hush and awe that accompanies a newborn. It's hard to find the words to describe it, and I'm almost sad because I don't think I can make it last forever, but right now, our lives are feeling a little more magical.
The rest is a recounting of the birth story. I record it more for my personal remembrance than anyone else, so unless you're really into birth stories, feel free to either stop here or scroll to the end for pictures :)
All went well. Last month I was quite convinced that this little one would arrive early. Given that Adam was born four days early, and the distinct impression I had had to quit work early, I was confident we wouldn't see my due date. Or that if we did, it would be very soon afterward. My patience instead was given an opportunity to prove itself, and I didn't much like it. Jim's family came and went, with me convinced I'd go into labour within a day or two. Nada. My mom and dad opted to come on the 22nd (two days after my due date) since, you know, it couldn't possibly be much longer and I might need some people to help me smile. The fact that I hadn't experienced one single Braxton Hicks contraction (after having had many with Adam), and a complete absence of any signs of labour had me fairly convinced that either this baby was never coming on its own and I would have to be induced (my second biggest fear), or that I had somehow managed to gestate an elephant. For which the gestation period is two years. Neither were happy prospects.
Mercifully, on Friday night after having watched some TV with my parents and having gone to bed, contractions began. They were uncomfortable enough that I had to breathe through them and were consistently lasting for about a minute at two minutes apart. At the urging of my parents (Jim was sleeping at this point and given what could have been coming, it seemed best to let him rest) my mom took me to the hospital for assessment around midnight. As I suspected we hadn't progressed far and were sitting at about 2 cm dilated. Home we went.
I tried to get some sleep but contractions kept coming and were too uncomfortable for sleep, so I went downstairs to labour, and walk. Somewhere around 2 am I texted my doula who arrived around 3:30 and helped me labour. As a side note, doula's are amazing! Everyone should have one. She was an excellent guide and helped with various tips and tricks that served to make things feel more manageable.
Around eight people started to wake up, and I continued to labour. The contractions hadn't gotten quite long enough to warrant the hospital yet. At around noon it felt right, and so off we went to the hospital praying I would have progressed enough for admission. The hospital in Grande Prairie was built for a much smaller population than it currently serves, and as a result Labour and Delivery is often swamped, so often you have to be pretty established in your labour to be admitted. Luckily I was at 5cm, and we were admitted. As luck would have it, we were given the only room with a bathtub. It's my dream to one day have a water birth, but with no midwives or birthing centres it's not currently a possibility in Grande Prairie, so having a tub of any sort at all felt like a tender mercy.
We laboured in the tub for some time, each contraction feeling longer and more intense than the last. Jim was so wonderful. With each contraction he would slowly pour water over my tightening belly, which eased the pain. Out of the tub his strong arms would squeeze my hips together which made the difference between the contractions being bearable and not. He was my rock and my partner. I don't know that I've ever loved him more than I did while labouring through this birth with him. He was truly amazing.
At some point, time began to be distorted but I asked to be checked again, confident that we must have been close. My heart nearly broke to hear I had progressed only 1cm. I had been adamant in my plans for a completely natural and drug free birth, but I knew I couldn't keep up at this point. And so I asked for the gas. And now I'm a convert. I wouldn't say that it did much to ease the pain, but it did make me just loopy enough to forget a little how much it hurt in the in between, which was help enough. Nichelle, my doula was fantastic at helping me relax and stay grounded. With each contraction she would remind me to breathe deeply, and held my hand as I breathed in and out which worked wonders in keeping me grounded. I couldn't have done it without Jim or Nichelle.
An hour or two later (I wasn't paying attention to time much at this point), I asked to be checked again. Mercifully we were almost at a 10 but had a bit of a lip. The nurse rectified it, and all of a sudden what had been a mild urge to push with lots of pressure became an overwhelming need to push, and push hard. I had really wanted to try birth breathing, and more gentle approaches but the overwhelming need to roar and push was unlike anything I remember feeling with Adam. The doctor arrived quickly and I roared my way through the contractions which were coming on top of each other. As the head emerged I remember being asked if I wanted to touch it, but all I could think of was getting this baby out as quickly as possible, so I refused. My memory becomes hazy here but at some point moments later the pain subsided a bit and they told me to reach down and deliver him. So I did. And THAT was amazing. To deliver my own baby from my body to my belly was something I never thought I'd be able to do and it was SO COOL! To snuggle and touch him so immediately was something touching the divine. We stayed like that for some time while we waited for the cord to stop pulsing and for the placenta to be delivered. The nurses kept commenting on how big he was but at my last appointment I had been told I was measuring small and to expect a 7-8 lb baby. I was more than a little shocked when he came in at 9 lbs 3 oz. That helped explain what was a much longer labour than I had been expecting. And the pushing phase lasted only five minutes, although at the time I thought it might have killed me.
He was immediately an excellent nurser and has been the sweetest baby ever since. Adam is besotted with his little brother and doesn't like to let Ben out of his sight. I feel so incredibly blessed to have these two little boys. Mothering them to be men of courage, and valour, and kindness, to be men of God feels like such an incredibly daunting, exciting, and honourable task. Ben is only a week old and I know that this newborn stage is going to fly by faster than I can blink. Yesterday his umbilical cord fell off. Of course I know that that is beyond normal and yet I wanted to cry, seeing the evidence of his progression and maturation. One week ago his body had been literally attached and nourished by my own, and here he was already demonstrating his independence. Adam is three, in two more years he'll be in school. Time seems to roll on so much faster than I feel prepared for and I'm powerless to stop it. And so I know not only how fortunate I am, to hold this baby in my arms that I had nearly given up hope would ever come, but to have these precious moments. So many beautiful, precious moments.
Love to all :)
The Birds
