Sam the Mormon Feminist

So I'm a Mormon. As most people who read my blog know me, I'm sure that this doesn't come as much of a surprise.

Disclaimer: I speak for no one but myself and the contents of this post are nothing more than my personal thoughts and opinions. There is a lot of information, thoughts, details and opinion not covered here (because I could write a thesis on the topic and it's almost midnight) but I would welcome personal discussion

Within my religion we follow as closely as possible the structure of the church as Jesus Christ first instituted it. This means that at the head of our church we have what we consider to be a living prophet who receives revelation from God, and helping to support and share his load are twelve other apostles. Worthy men are capable of holding the priesthood which allows them to give special blessings of guidance and healing, administer the sacrament, and serve in a number of leadership callings specific to the office of the priesthood. All aspects of the office of the priesthood are designed to serve others and no aspect of it can or should be manipulated or framed in a selfish way. Women support their fathers, husbands and brothers in their callings and as a whole in my experience, the office and ability of the priesthood serves to make men better because it requires them to give service selflessly. Which is totally awesome.

Of late there has been a great deal of turmoil and controversy within my church because a (relatively) small group of women have begun a movement petitioning the leadership of the church for the possibility of women to hold the priesthood. This is a somewhat revolutionary idea because a) there is little to no evidence for it in history or scripture b) the majority of women don't desire it and c) as of yet and to our knowledge their has been no revelation given to the leadership of the church (aka the prophet and his apostles) that this should happen. Further, as a matter of course, you don't tend to go around making demands of God. At least, that's not really been part of our culture.

Earlier this week the founder of the group was excommunicated. I won't get into the gory details or the obvious he said she said. As a matter of policy the church does not comment or make public these proceedings and so the perspective portrayed in the media is skewed since all pertinent information is only coming from one side. And having talked to many, many people about the issue it is clear that there are a number of perspectives and lenses through which to view the situation. And since this is my blog, I'm going to share mine. Lucky you :)

I love the gospel of Jesus Christ. I love the spirit that it brings into my life, I love the learning it provides, I love that it has the capacity to make me an infinitely better person. The gospel is, always has, and I believe always will be my home (and that is no small thing for a girl who has moved no less than 18 times). I know many people who believe our church to be true. I know many others who will tell you that the church is true, and sometimes the people aren't. But you know what? I don't believe either one to be true. In fact, I inwardly cringe when I hear either statement. For me, the gospel is always true but the church is nothing except for an imperfect framework administered by imperfect men who by and large do their very best, but who sometimes make mistakes. In fact, most of them that I know will be very candid about that fact. Even Dieter F. Uchtdorf clearly spelled that out in his October 2013 General Conference Address. So to summarize my opinions: gospel true church is not.

I believe myself to be a feminist. More than that, I believe myself to be a mormon feminist. And I know that there is plenty of room for me in the church and all that that entails. And as a feminist, there are (as I see it) many undeniable aspects of inequality within the church. Some are small, and some are bigger. Some are cultural, and some are doctrinal. Some I can brush under the rug, others I really struggle with. But as I see it, here was a women who saw these issues, found other like minded individuals, and formed a group with the intention of petitioning for a more equal space within the church. She did it in a much more vocal, and maybe even aggressive way than had been done before. I don't condone every action. But as for her cause, I want to shout from the sidelines "you go girl!" We need, oh how we are desperate for more women like her. Well behaved women rarely changed history. Even the scriptures aren't without women who petitioned the Lord for their cause and won. Zipporah petitioned for Moses's life to be saved. Asking the leaders of the church to ask the Lord the question is a brilliant and totally appropriate use of the church and its leadership to answer gospel questions.

All of that being said, I don't know that I'm convinced that ordaining women to the office of the priesthood is the answer. I'm all for equality but I also recognize that men and women have different strengths and weaknesses and I'm not sure that becoming more like men is the answer. I'm really not. But neither am I satisfied with the discourse or dialogue that the church has (or hasn't) had. And most of all I do not, cannot, and will not support the church's excommunication of Kate Kelly or John Dehlin and consider myself to be in vehement opposition to it.

I empathize deeply with so many of what the members of the Ordain Women movement stand for. I believe that by and large they are women earnestly seeking for answers in the best way that they know how. And I completely support them in that. Among many friends and acquaintances there seems to be a general hesitancy to talk about these issues for fear of drawing attention to a hot topic. Personally I'm ecstatic that these conversations are finally being held. Often I sense a culture of conformity among the members of the church which makes me uncomfortable (and sometimes even angry). As I have often said before; God created us in His image and as intelligent beings and we were designed to be curious and inquisitive. I don't think he would have it any other way, otherwise how else are we to learn? People are asking questions, really hard ones. They are looking for answers. In some cases, they've even identified a pattern and published it. Those are all actions I totally support.

In the end, my beliefs and testimony aren't founded on Kate Kelly and her desire to see women ordained, or on John Dehlin and his support of homosexuals, or even on the LDS church. It's founded on the gospel of Jesus Christ and so all of this controversy is really just fluff, at least as it relates to my testimony. I will continue to search for my answers, and I predict it will take a lifetime. To anyone else unsatisfied I would encourage you to do the same. I am a daughter of God. In His eyes I believe that I am equal. For today that's enough. For tomorrow...I'll let you know.

Two Years Young

I can hardly believe it, but my baby boy turned two years old today. I can't reconcile how so much has happened in those two years and I am so proud of the little man he's growing up to be. And so, to celebrate him, here is a letter to my small gentleman.

Adam baby
Today you turned two whole years old. Two whole years since you worked with me and gently, peacefully made your entrance into this world. You turned my whole world upside down and made me fall in love with you from the start and I wouldn't have it any other way. I can see you growing and developing into such a curious, intelligent, energetic and caring boy. Today you told me you loved my totally unprovoked.

Every day you seem to grow a little more in wisdom and learning. You're vocabulary is exploding, you listen so well, and you care about others. You still love Thomas dearly, but you've expanded that love to also include Mighty Machines (and there's nothing more cute than watching you sing along to the theme song) Caillou and Elmo. You love to help your daddy build sand castles, but you love wrecking them best of all. You will do almost anything for a treat and bananas tend to follow closely behind. You really are a little monkey.

You are my best buddy and I love being able to spend my time with you. You think about things, process them, and I can't wait to see the boy, and man that you will become. You are the best part of my world, sweet boy.

Love,
Mama