Remember When?

So the previous post was actually written two days ago. I thought I'd accidentally deleted it but managed to recover it this morning and so thought I'd post it, because it really is how I feel.

Remember how zen it sounded? I posted it because I stand by it but Murphy and his sticky law came back and bit me in the butt. The night after writing that post my little man who normally wakes looking for a feed on average 3-4 times a night was up just about every hour. My longest stretch of sleep that night was a two hour stretch. I do love those stolen nighttime moments with him...but I have a hard time handling what feels like a never ending nighttime feed. No surprise I woke up the next morning grumpy and sincerely questioning my sanity. It didn't help that for the rest of the day any naps were taken either being continuously bounced in his bouncy chair or on my chest in his carrier, and only for a stretch of about half an hour. This successfully eliminated any chance I had of recouping the lost nightime sleep during the day.

By mid morning I wasn't happy but was starting to feel as if I could maybe pull through the day on no sleep. And then my dear friend Rachel sent me something truly inspired. She had found an ebook written by an incredible mom and blogger by the name of the GpysyMama. I think this woman is my new best friend. In it she writes of the joys and pains of motherhood and makes some suggestions to new moms. I was reading along, laughing and nodding my head until I got to this part:

6. Get real with God
He’s a parent. He knows what it feels like. He designed the system. Go ahead, tell Him how you really feel about it. Vent. This is the most honest kind of prayer. Give Him all your frustrations, your exhaustion, your desperation and hear how He listens to you.

Then know this – when you collapse at the end of a day; when the baby finally sleeps for a few snatched hours; when you close your eyes with no thought but the desperate need for sleep – He stays up, dear heart. He stays awake and sings over you. Sings! All through the night. Just for you.

God promises to love me all day,
sing songs all through the night!
~Psalm 42:5-7 (The Message) 

I love being a mother. I love my son, I love the snatched night time moments. But there are some hard days and yesterday was one. I was running on fumes and just trying to make it until the end of the day. But the thought of God, of my God and heavenly parent staying awake and singing over me to get me through...needless to say it brought tears to my eyes and suddenly...I didn't feel so helpless and alone. I had the almighty cheering me on, singing me to sleep and on through the night. 

It was all I needed and more. I've got some powerful friends on the other side who have got my back. 

This thing called motherhood really is the best, most beautiful, and hardest thing I've ever done. But it really is so worth it. 

I'm happy to report that after some difficulty and persistence my baby did go down last night. And was only up 4 times. Life is back to normal :)

                                      
Sometimes in the early morning he sneaks into bed with us

Yesterday was rough. At one point he was whiny. I thought I'd try to put him in the sling. This was his compromise. He is so not a cuddler.   

                                                     Last night, finally sleeping peacefully

                                                 Little Husky in the making!

On Sleep and Other Things...

Ok so those videos were supposed to go at the bottom...but now I can't figure out how to move them. 

I know I know I know that I need to be better at posting on here. But I always feel like I need to have SOMETHING interesting to say. But more often than not, we're just chugging along with little bits of interesting things here and there and I'm never quite sure what will prove blog-worthy. So I'll give the little updates that I can think of.

Adam is as cute as ever. In fact, maybe even cuter. I swear he gets more adorable each day. We are ever so slowly coming out of a nasty cold and it was no fun for him to deal with it. He was super congested and he and I spent a few nights propped up sleeping on the couch with a humidifier trying to help him breathe through the night. I even panicked and took him to the ER one night when he wouldn't stop screaming. Of course, once we were there he was not only fine but was quite happy to flirt with all the nurses and patients. Now it seems all that's left is a bit of a cough, but we're pretty much through it. There were a few near sleepless (up every hour) that I thought I might go crazy though.

We've recently got started on the cloth diaper wagon. Man I don't want to be one of "those" moms...but I gotta say I wish we'd started sooner. AND because this is my blog and I get to post what I want when I want...I'm going to verge on the overshare. Both yesterday and this morning my little guy peed in the toilet like a big boy. Yep, five months old and he knows how to shoot! Fingers crossed this makes potty training easier. I know it sounds incredibly lame, but there's something incredibly satisfying about seeing your five month old stand up and pee like a man. I know, I know...you didn't really want to know. But hey, I celebrate where I can.

It's snowing like crazy here. There's a snowfall warning out and by tomorrow we should have between 15-25 cm. It's so pretty and Christmasy, but I'm a little worried about getting buried alive!

Jim is the best and seems to be finding more of a balance between work and home. The other night he was home at 5:00 pm, didn't bring any work, and he was really "here" with us. Often he will bring work home and not finish it but I'm always waiting and anticipating that he'll hunker over his desk and get lost in his work. And that's ok, I'd rather have him home working than not, but it was so incredibly nice to have him fully present and know that he was all ours for the night. I even took a bath, with bubbles, and a book. It was pure heaven!

I came to a bit of a breakthrough the other day. This may come off a little rant-y. I gotta say, I love my son because I'm his mother. But in almost all respects he really has been the easiest and best baby. Labour and delivery was straightforward, he nurses like a pro, he only cries when he needs something (and usually it's pretty easy to find out what) but when people would ask "is he a good baby? Does he sleep through the night?", I always wanted to say "he's the best baby!", but I'd be lying if I said he slept through the night. On average he's up a pretty predictable 3x a night. I'd done some reading that suggested that nutritionally they didn't need more than one nighttime feed at this point, so I decided that I needed to sleep train him. After all, I didn't want to spoil my baby. And each time I fed him at night, I was starting to feel guilty, like I was teaching him a bad habit.

I decided to try a technique advocated by the "Baby Whisperer" called Pick-up Put-Down. The idea being that you pick the baby up just long enough to calm him, and then put him back down again. You do this over and over until they fall asleep, the idea being that you aren't leaving them alone to cry it out, but you're teaching them to self soothe. This worked really well for 2 days...until he fought back. Finally after day three or four I'd had enough. I was tired, grumpy, and felt locked in a sleep battle with my baby. I planned to stay up all night picking up and putting up if I had to, and I wasn't letting Jim off the hook either.

So I knelt at the mighty feet of google to find whatever tools I could to help me on my sleep quest. And instead, I found some new information that completely changed my perspective. I found a site that instead of making me feel like a bad mother for feeding him when he wasn't starving and didn't necessarily "need it", it said that nursing for comfort was just as important as nursing for nutrrition and that when he was ready to quit, he would. All of a sudden I could breathe a little easier. Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing to feed him at night after all.

And you know what I've realized? I cherish those nighttime feeds. It's one of the only times when he's completely still and quiet. He latches on, I gently rock, and we both get this beautiful quiet moment together. When he's all done, I put him gently on my chest and rest his little chin on my shoulder and gently burp him. More often than not in his sleepy state he'll wrap hiss little arms around me and my boy gives me a hug. I hold him as long as I can wishing there were more moments like these, and then I gentlly lay him down in his crib and once more. At no point has he even completely woken up and so I'll watch him for a minute, wonder how I got so lucky, and gently tip toe back to my bed and my other, bigger, sleeping boy.

I know some mama's can't live without their sleep, and I get it. And one day I'm sure he will sleep through the night. But I love my quiet stolen nighttime moments with my little man.

And now, for some pictures!

                                                      Shortly after he discovered his feet

                                                 Right before he tried to stand up in his bath

                                                      Having a blast naked on the floor

                                                                 Story time with Dad

 
                                                    We are expert sitters AND droolers!

                                                Feet are the best thing. Especially in the bath

                                                             Grandpa's little sailor

                                                           Getting ready for solid food!

                                                    Dad teaching his son the tricks of wrestling

Halloween and Goings On

So Halloween has come and gone. We had way too much fun dressing up the little guy. A cuter lion never did exist. Given that the average temperature on October 31st was -27 C (I have never seen a temp that low). We bundled the little man like he's never been bundled before and went to a trunk or treat. This meant we could get maximum candy bang for our buck of time. Key when you're dealing with the coldest temperatures of your life! Unfortunately, Adam slept through the whole thing. Nonetheless, we had to document the experience :) Once we were home, he had woken up long enough for us to hit three of our neighbors, and then it was time to tuck him into bed. The best part about trick or treating with a 4.5 month old? Mom and Dad get all the candy!

Oh how I love love love this little man. Never did I imagine I could take this much joy in being a parent. I only wish I could slow the clock. Last weekend he started sitting on his own, yesterday we discovered our first tooth, and if you hold his hands and stand him up he loves to practice walking. Where did my baby go? And why does he need to move so fast? How glad I am that I get to be his buddy and witness it all. Motherhood really is the best job. And I'm so glad that I accomplished most of the things I wanted to beforehand, so that I can really relish this time and not wonder "what if"?

Here's a few other fun shots

In the new to us bouncer. He LOVES this thing and will jump forever

Sitting up in his Sunday best. How could you not love this face??

This last weekend Jim and I were fortunate to present a workshop on the value of education and lifelong learning to a group of Young Single Adults. It was so much fun to prepare and to interact with my husband that way. He's much more engaging and skilled at teaching than I ever would have given him credit for. And it was really neat to be able to use my brain a bit again and to try and communicate how much I value the education I've received. 

Then later this morning at our church a friend of mine gave a beautiful, heartfelt lesson on Love, Life, and Learnig. There was such a wonderful spirit to her teaching, and it helped me remember of the potential that we all have as children of God, but especially that women have as daughters of God. She also shared a beautiful video that really drove her point home. I'm sharing it below for anyone who might want a quick watch. 

And then, because it follows the same thread and I've been missing Pres. Hinckley, another little message about the women in our lives

All in all it's been a particularly uplifting weekend. Regardless of your religious beliefs or standing I believe that the message in both these video's is clear to all: that women are beautiful, divine creatures who have such a wide scope of influence and impact. It's a message I think we as women sometimes forget when we're busy trying to be equals to the men on our professions, or just cleaning up poopy diapers. As much as I love being home with my little Adam, this was such a nice reminder for me :)

So Apparently We Live in Alberta...

Were you aware that fall in Northern Alberta only lasts about a week? Me either. Apparently winter hits fast and hard. The first weekend of the month I was walking around in flip flops. Later that week I woke up to this

This was of course Adam's first experience with snow, and naturally he was completely entranced. It was too cute watching him just stare and stare, so I snapped a couple shots.

And then we went out for a walk in it to experience full exposure

It did warm up for a bit, but we are now in the thick of snow. It's been snowing to some degree almost constantly for the last 4 days. It now looks like this:

In other news, we continue to plug along. Poor little guy seems to be teething in earnest now. He's developed a runny nose. I'm not sure whether or not to attribute it to teething or the change in weather, so nighttime sleeping has become more challenging. Here's to hoping the teeth come soon! Otherwise, there's not much to report. Jim is well on his way to becoming a bona fide rockstar lawyer, Adam only continues to get cuter, we continue to settle into the new digs, and life is good

Here's a cute video shot a few days ago. For some strange reason, our son has taken an unnatural liking to his father's face. Let me be more specific...to eating his father's face. We don't yet understand it, but we do think it's hilarious. Enjoy :)

We've also been working at rolling over. It's not perfect yet, but we're working on it. Here's a little documentation of our efforts. We're so close!

 So there you have it. A little snapshot into our lives at the moment!

Wayyy Overdue

Alright so I admit I've been a little behind the 8 ball this last month on the blogging front. BUT in my defense...a lot happened. Mainly a move, and that has consumed most of my time.

So to update. Mid last month we did manage to find a place that suited our needs and was in our price range. We spoke with our then landlord who kindly agreed to let us out of our lease, and we were off to the races. We moved in last Sunday and were overwhelmed by the support we were given by our church family. We had more help than we needed on both ends, and unloading was on a fast Sunday. I wouldn't have dared hope to have had as much help as we did, especially where we'd only just arrived and needed the same help five months ago. We are one lucky family.

In any case, the new place looks like it will do just fine. It's the upper suite of an older house in a more established neighborhood a lot closer to town. The place could use some work, but the price is right and it will do just fine. I'd also forgotten how much I loved seeing the light of day in my home! It also allowed us to stay within the boundries of our old church congregation, which was a huge unexpected plus. We've got almost all of the boxes unpacked and most of the pictures hanging. When we're all settled I'll post some pics.

In other news we enjoyed a lovely little family reunion in Edmonton two weeks ago. It was so wonderful to see so much family and heavenly to have time with my parents and sister. Given that we moved right before Adam was born he hasn't had much time with extended family. That weekend was lovely for a number of reasons, but one was that for the first time I didn't feel the need to hover and watch like a hawk wherever he was. He was passed from cousin to grandma to aunts to uncles, and I knew he was fine, even when I couldn't see him. It was such a nice feeling.

This weekend we were lucky to be able to enjoy General Conference. For those of you reading who might not be familiar, twice a year members of our church gather together to hear the words of our prophet and church leaders. It was beautiful to be able to listen to their inspired words. I always find at the end of the weekend my batteries feel recharged and I feel re-centered.  They speak with such kindness and love, but also such directness. For anyone interested, you can find their talks online in print or video at www.lds.org

It's definitely fall here now. The leaves are virtually all fallen, the temperature is dropping, and most mornings I have to scrape ice off of my car. The're also calling for snow on Wednesday. We're not in Victoria anymore! As a thanksgiving gift Jim's work gave all their employees giant free range turkeys. So tomorrow I embark on the adventure of cooking my first real turkey. Fingers crossed it cooks in good time, and tastes alright. There's no way it will live up to my Dad's standards...but so far from home a girl's got to try. 

Otherwise, we continue to plug along. We miss so many of you and want to wish you all a happy (Canadian) Thanksgiving! Of course, enjoy the Adam photofest below :)

In a cute little surf outfit

                                                                 
                                                       Meeting Teddy while mom packs...

Last minute shot at the family reunion

My handsome Men in the kitchen

Guess what he'll be for Halloween?

 Smiley Lion!

 Ready to get out of this costume!

He was so happy to help pack!

We took him for a fall evening run in the chariot

In the way cute hat our good friend made Adam

My two handsome sleeping men :)

Can I just say how much I love my new job? I know I've mentioned it before, but I never imagined it was possible to enjoy being a mother as much as I do. Maybe he really is the world's greatest baby, maybe we're still in the honeymoon phase, maybe a mother's love really is all its cracked up to be, or maybe this truly is the best job in the whole world.

I love his cute chubby cheeks and chunky chunky thighs. I love how he's starting to really "talk" and be vocal. I love the way he smiles and stares after me after a good feed. I love the warm weight of his body as I rock him back to sleep after a midnight meal. I love how quickly he responds to lullabies and music already. I never could have imagined how such a little man could so utterly steal my heart without even trying.

He's only three months old. And yet it seems like his life and milestones are already whizzing by and I can't hold onto the moments nearly along before he's off conquering the next milestone. We've been practicing tummy time more often of late. The other day while I was watching him he almost rolled over. I couldn't help but squeal. He then looked over at me and I could almost hear him saying "what's the big deal mom, isn't this what I'm supposed to be doing?" So far he's taking everything in stride much better than I am. Today while on his tummy He began to crawl just the tinniest bit. Maybe I was only imagining it but he was definately arching his back up, his little chubby legs were moving, and he moved forwards a few inches. Afterwards he seemed exhausted by the effort. Watching him I thought my heart would burst out of my chest. It was simultaneously swelling with pride watching my son growing and developing, but I couldn't help but be equally sad that he's moving so quickly. Only three short months ago he wasn't even here. And now he's nearly mobile? It's almost too much for this new mom to handle.

Afterwards I turned on some music. A favorite song of mine came on, and I couldn't help but sweep him up in my arms and dance with him in my arms. While he bobbed away in my arms to the upbeat tune, I knew that these moments, THIS moment, was only fleeting. How I wish that I could slow the clock, to savour these moments all the better. But I can't. And so it's my lot to do my best to live each moment with this sweet little soul and savour each delicious moment of hugs, kisses, lullabies, cuddles.

I have a favorite song by a favorite artist. I found it just a week or two after Adam was born and fell in love. Because I love it so much, I'm posting the lyrics below.

"See the creases in your eyes, you don’t know what makes me cry. There’s not always reasons why. Sometimes I just cry. Even if I had the words, if I could write it out in verse, don’t know what it means to hurt, one day I will learn.

Oh I’m just your little one. With wide eyes and blonde hair like the sun. I’ll try to walk, maybe one day run. But till that day comes, I’m just your little one.

I will need you through the years, to shine a light on all my fears. Be with me through fallen tears, I’ll need you through the years.

There will be mistakes sometimes. I’ll get hurt you’ll miss the signs. You’ll feel guilty of a crime, but I will be fine.

Oh I’ll be your little one. Wide eyed with blonde hair like the sun. I’ll learn to walk, and then I’ll run. And I might become, more than your little one

I will go away someday. Dye my hair, you’ll hear me say “I can do it my own way”. I will go away.

I won’t want you to be scared. You should know I’m well prepared. I survived the truth or dare, no don’t you be scared.

I was your little one. Wide eyes and blonde hair like the sun. My walk has turned into a run, and I have become someone."

When he was born I thought he'd be my little one forever.  Already I can see how quickly he'll grow up into my someone. I only hope to be able to help him become the best someone I can.

And of course, here's some goodies

So life has been fairly quiet as of late. Jim's work schedule seems to be beginning to normalize, Adam and I are having fun being best buddies, and we're cringing as we wait for the onslaught of our first real northern Alberta winter. BUT we did go on a little adventure this last weekend!

We love camping. As a kid we would camp throughout the summer and I have so many sweet memories of sleeping in tents under the stars and discovering new places to swim. With this summer having been so nice I was desperate to camp but before Adam's arrival I was too pregnant to pull it off, and afterwards he was too young. But this last weekend was our church congregation's father-son campout, and we decided we couldn't miss it! Being however, that I am unfortunately neither father nor son, we thought it best if we camped as a family somewhere else on the campground and let Adam and Jim enjoy some of the activities. But once we arrived they invited me to stay as Adam's food supply and given that the group site was already paid for...we couldn't find a good reason to say no!

We arrived and set up camp. This was our first time using our new fancy air mattress in our small tent. It only barely fit (and by barely I meant not really), and we ended up having to let out quite a bit of air to fit it inside. This made for some wobbly sleeping later that night. We enjoyed some time around a roaring campfire, watched some little guys practice their fledgling pyrotechnic skills on flaming marshmellows, and then went to bed.

Sleep seems to have come easy only for little Adam. We tried to squeeze him into our sleeping bags, but being that they are mummy shaped...there wasn't much room. So we bundled him tight in some thick blankets, and guess who ended up warmest of all? We each tried to cradle him in at least one arm so one arm was perpetually cold, and that combined with our rather unstable air mattress neither Jim nor I slept much. But we were both fine with it as long as our baby boy was safe and sound.

All in all we had a great time, and Adam survived his first father-son campout!

In other news, sadly the house we are renting from was just sold. So we are once again on the hunt for the perfect rental, in an extremely rental unfriendly market. Everyone keep their fingers crossed for us?

And here are some photo's!

                                                     Baby boy clutching his blanket

 

Adam last week in his grown up plaid sunday blues!

 Yesterday, looking cute in his Monkey Business outfit