On Birth
*Dislaimer: I promise not to include any gory details below. But birth is birth and knowing that, readers be warned. Also, this is a long one*
As a new blogger, maybe it's too early to delve into such a serious and personal subject as the birth of my son. But it was something that meant so much and was so important to me, I want to include it here. I want this blog to be a record of events, both small and large, that I can share with family and friends. This is something I would like to share with anyone who feels like listening.
I always knew that I wanted to be a mother. That was never in doubt. But like many people, I was more than willing to skip out on the dreaded painful labor. At a young age (maybe 7?), I remember my father asking me if someday when I grew up I would have kids. I distinctly remember answering in the affirmative, but I told him I planned on adopting. At that age there was no way I could ever envision myself riding that train of pain. In fact, I thought my mother was out of her mind for doing it five times. I remember my dad acting suprised and saying something to the effect of "but you don't want children of your own?". In my mind, there was no prize in the world that validated the kind of screaming you saw on TV. What a stupid question dad.
Fast forward about 18 years and we realize that we are expecting (yes, I managed to grow past my 7 year old opinions). And so began my learning and navigation of the birthing world. Victoria (where we lived for the first 8 months of the pregnancy) is lovely for many reasons. One being that it has a strong community of midwives. I had many friends who had used midwives and swore that the experience was incredibly positive and satisfying.
For anyone unfamiliar with midwives, they are a growing phenomenon in Canada. In BC and many parts of the country, where they are available patients can choose to have their pregnancy cared for by either a doctor or a midwife. Midwives are highly trained healthcare professionals who supervise low risk pregnancies from beginning to 6 weeks post delivery. As my midwife explained to me, a main difference between midwives and doctors is that midwives tend to be more about informed choice, where doctors tend to be more about informed consent. This is what sold me. I wanted my birth experience to be MY experience, something to BE experienced, and not an experience made to fit someone else's mould. Additionally midwives will only birth a certain number a month (I believe my midwives averaged 7 a month). Because of their lower load they can be so much more present and involved with their patients. My appointments generally ranged from 30-45 min and I knew I had the time to ask and discuss any questions or issues I had without feeling rushed out the door.
I'm finding as I get older I get a little more hippy. Birth seems to have been when I really embraced my hippy :) With the glowing reviews of many friends once I knew I was pregnant I quickly went to work looking for a midwife. I found a patnership of midwives that I really liked, they could take me on, and we were off!
I loved my midwives. Throughout my pregnancy they were kind, welcoming, and ready to answer any and all of my questions. I knew that they would be happy supporting my in whatever method of birth I chose. And the more we went along...the more I leaned toward a home water birth, for many reasons. The more I researched birth, the more I came to see how the process of birth has become medicalized. Now, of course I realize that there are any number of complications that can come into play in any pregnancy and that we need the medical model when those issues arise. But you know what? Most births are uncomplicated. Uncomfortable, yes. But not complicated. And you know what? My body was designed to deliver a baby. To deliver THIS baby. And I wanted to allow it do just that. I wanted to experience my birth for what it was. I didn't want to...mumble it up with drugs or chemicals that would alter the experience for me or for my baby. If I could help it I even wanted to avoid a hospital. After all, pregnancy is a normal, natural process and so is labor. If I'm not sick, what am I doing in a hospital?
And so we went forward. And then one thing led to another and before we knew it Jim and I both had job offers in Grande Prairie. This was fantastic news but what with the short period of time I would be able to work, we needed to get to Alberta fast (aka before the arrival of baby). And as we soon came to learn, Grande Prairie had no registered midwives. After much thought and debate, we reached the difficult conclusion that the benefits post birth would outweight the benefits of having my ideal birth. And so, at 36 weeks pregnant we made the move knowing it would mean a doctor supervised hospital birth.
I was fortunate to find a doctor quickly. While kind and capable, it was a difficult adjustment for me. He is a busy man with more patients than he can handle and I never had an appointment that lasted more than 10 min, and it was clear that I would need to be "flexible" with my wishes.
On June 8th, after a swim at the pool I came home and started making dinner with Jim. I began feeling some fairly uncomfortable intermittent back pain. I brushed it off as late pregnancy discomfort initially, but when the pains became closer together I wondered if they could be some kind of contraction? Sure enough we started timing them, called healthlink, and all signs pointed to labor. Knowing that the earlier you get to the hospital, the more likely you are to receive medical intervention I waited until the contractions were 2-3 min apart before arriving at the hospital thinking I should be well on my way by then. We arrived at 1:30am to realize I was only a dissapointing two cm dilated, and that the baby was facing backwards from where he needed to be (hence the contractions being felt in my back and not my belly). And so we walked, and walked, and walked and walked some more. Jim applying counterpressure to my back with each contraction. We went from 2-5 cm in about an hour, but then labor stalled. Jim got some rest while I took a bath and dozed a bit. At about 8am we took to walking again, stopping at each contraction to breathe while Jim applied counterpressure.
At about 10am my doctor came to check on me. Knowing my wishes for a natural birth, he came in, and asked my nurse to get a needle to break my water. I challenged him as to why that was necessary. He explained it often speeds the process of labour. Knowing that our baby was not in an ideal position for labor, knowing that his head was still fairly high, and knowing that if my water was forcefully broken that position was likely to be cemented, we made it clear we were in no hurry to speed things up. Doctor let us be.
I had heard that there comes a point in labor where you think you can't do it anymore. I had heard that that's usually the point where baby is right around the corner. My one regret with this birth was that I did get to a point where I thought the contractions were mighty uncomfortable. I didn't know how much longer I could withstand them and so I asked for the nitrous oxide (laughing gas). I used it for three contractions and then realized I wanted to push. I didn't find the gas to be particularly effective, and had I realized how close I was I would have held off. Oh well.
Labor had been uncomfortable, but quite manageable up until this point. But pushing was by far the most difficult. I had wanted to use breathing techniques to deliver our baby. They normally take longer, but it generally provides for a smoother transition and a more gentle delivery for both mother and baby. However, this being my first baby I wasn't confident I knew how and the staff, while kind, were not supportive. And so we pushed. Until now I had been using deep breathing and relaxation techniques with each contraction. Now I was directed to tense up, hold my breath and to push hard. Yes, it was painful but more than anything I found it nearly impossible to hold my breath and push (Jim would count to 10, I would gasp for a breath, and he'd count again, usually we'd go about 30 seconds per contraction). Between each contraction I was nearly hyperventilating gasping for breath. Nearing the end they needed to give me oxygen.
Luckily, we only pushed for half an hour before our baby Adam emerged and...there are no words to describe that moment. Firstly, we had elected not to learn the gender of our baby, but I secretly thought it was a girl. I was shocked to hear we had a boy! The nurses put him on my chest and it was so unbelievable and so surreal. He was, and has continued to be the most wonderful baby. After an easy pregancy, a straightforward delivery I never thought I could have hoped to have such an easy pleasant baby. There aren't words to describe how much we love him. I am so glad I let him come in his own time, and in his own way. Also, just before delivery he did flip to the ideal delivery position so not having my water broken is a decision I'm glad I made.
And so there you have it, the long and drawn out story of our birth. I still wish I could have had midwives and a home water birth. Birth and pregnancy to me are not the medical conditions that we have made them become. They are states of being to be experienced, felt, and overcome. God designed our bodies to do this magnificent job of growing, delivering, and raising babies and I didn't want to mar that experience. I had always thought that natural birth would be the hardest thing I would ever do. And you know what? It wasn't. It was exactly what my body could handle. And it handled it beautifully.
