Standing on the Precipice

Clearly I only update surrounding major life events. Better than nothing.

As I write it's 10:44 pm two days after my due date with baby number three. We have enjoyed an easy, uncomplicated pregnancy, but it's time. I'm ready to not be the size of a moderately sized urban townhouse anymore.

As I anxiously await for things to get going in earnest though, I can't help but want to savour, and even feel some guilt at the change that I am about to bring about. Life is good. Very good. Adam is an  excellent older brother, Benny relishes his role as the baby of the family, and we have a good routine. And in a matter of hours, or days, all of that will change. And as much as we are excited, I also can't help but mourn, in the smallest degree, that this chapter is ending. That change is coming. And that I don't know what that will look like or how it will impact the ones already here. Ben has always been my cuddly bear, and I think he senses something is shifting. Adam knows what's coming and is excited, having done it once before, and it's my hope that he might help his brother navigate what will be new territory.

And yet standing so close to this inevitable change, I am so anxious to hear that newborn cry, to snuggle that rose petal soft skin, and to smell that sweet milky breath. Standing in the in between has never been a preferred place of mine.

My headspace has been all over the place of late as I try to prepare for this impending birth, try to ensure my mind is prepared to put forth the work, to be patient, to trust that my body and my baby can work in harmony, to be patient, while still trying to be active and engaged, and fun to the two energetic boys I already have. It's such an odd place to be in, and it's my hope that my putting these feelings and thoughts into words, that the pieces might somehow fall into place and that the ball will start rolling in a forward direction. Because nobody really wants to be the size of moderate urban townhouse indefinitely.

Keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We may need the extra strength over the next few days or weeks.

Until then, here's a photo of the two hooligans ;)