Bird Watching: Remember When?

So the previous post was actually written two days ago. I thought I'd accidentally deleted it but managed to recover it this morning and so thought I'd post it, because it really is how I feel.

Remember how zen it sounded? I posted it because I stand by it but Murphy and his sticky law came back and bit me in the butt. The night after writing that post my little man who normally wakes looking for a feed on average 3-4 times a night was up just about every hour. My longest stretch of sleep that night was a two hour stretch. I do love those stolen nighttime moments with him...but I have a hard time handling what feels like a never ending nighttime feed. No surprise I woke up the next morning grumpy and sincerely questioning my sanity. It didn't help that for the rest of the day any naps were taken either being continuously bounced in his bouncy chair or on my chest in his carrier, and only for a stretch of about half an hour. This successfully eliminated any chance I had of recouping the lost nightime sleep during the day.

By mid morning I wasn't happy but was starting to feel as if I could maybe pull through the day on no sleep. And then my dear friend Rachel sent me something truly inspired. She had found an ebook written by an incredible mom and blogger by the name of the GpysyMama. I think this woman is my new best friend. In it she writes of the joys and pains of motherhood and makes some suggestions to new moms. I was reading along, laughing and nodding my head until I got to this part:

6. Get real with God
He’s a parent. He knows what it feels like. He designed the system. Go ahead, tell Him how you really feel about it. Vent. This is the most honest kind of prayer. Give Him all your frustrations, your exhaustion, your desperation and hear how He listens to you.

Then know this – when you collapse at the end of a day; when the baby finally sleeps for a few snatched hours; when you close your eyes with no thought but the desperate need for sleep – He stays up, dear heart. He stays awake and sings over you. Sings! All through the night. Just for you.

God promises to love me all day,
sing songs all through the night!
~Psalm 42:5-7 (The Message)

I love being a mother. I love my son, I love the snatched night time moments. But there are some hard days and yesterday was one. I was running on fumes and just trying to make it until the end of the day. But the thought of God, of my God and heavenly parent staying awake and singing over me to get me through...needless to say it brought tears to my eyes and suddenly...I didn't feel so helpless and alone. I had the almighty cheering me on, singing me to sleep and on through the night.

It was all I needed and more. I've got some powerful friends on the other side who have got my back.

This thing called motherhood really is the best, most beautiful, and hardest thing I've ever done. But it really is so worth it.

I'm happy to report that after some difficulty and persistence my baby did go down last night. And was only up 4 times. Life is back to normal :)